WiiNii!

Harloz, welcome!

Good day to you my friend, meet my recently discovered companion, WiiNii!. Remember to pronounce his name properly, otherwise he'll get mad. After me: wee-nee!, and not wee-nee, okay?

IM WIINII!, HEEHEEHEE!!!

Oh, there you are. Say hi, WiiNii!.

HI WIINII!!! HEEHEE!!

No, no, say hi to our friend here.

HI TO OUR FRIEND HERE! HEEHEEHEEHEE!!!!

NO! BAD WIINII!! Argh. Nevermind him, I've yet to teach him proper mannerisms. Anyway, where were we? Ah yes, WiiNii!. I found him in the folded carcasses of pressed trees bleached white this afternoon, and I brought him home. He's a nice friend to have around; at least he doesn't eat much, and is always there to speak with you.

HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!!!!

...and laugh with me.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU SUXXORZ!! HAHHAHA!!!

...at me.

Oh well, but, all in all, he has been a good companion... sort of. When the wintry hail descends, and envelops all but the blazing flames of the Sun, he's the one who can really warm your heart again...

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA!!! SUCKER! YOU CAN KISS MAH ARSE!

...perchance.

Oh, it's bathtime. Hey WiiNii!, time to have a shower!

WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! EEEEK!!

*SPLASH* Ahh, there you go. WiiNii!? WiiNii!!! WAKE UP! YOU CAN"T LEAVE ME HERE?! NOOO!!!!! NOOOOoooooo...................

The writer of this post has entered depression and requires treatment to recover. Visit him next time if your lunacy has not yet achieved it's zenith.

A Week Has Passed...

Phew, finally managed to find out my evil twin's hideout. Hey, to you readers, remember to read the actual blog, and not this twisted... thing! Check out http://myazuresanctum.blogspot.com, before you are corrupted and... oh crap!

A chainsaw burrs in the distance. You hear splattering all around the place.

Muahahahaha!!! Who dares to invade my sanctuary? None shall ever touch me! Those who oppose my rule shall end up like this cake! Muahahahaa...... oh wait... Damn! I missed him and hit the cake! Nooooooo! My beautiful, pretty, cutesy cake!

Oh? Oh! I have a visitor! Eh-hem, my apologies, I was, erm, just practising for my drama performance on the 5th of January! Ah, yes, how could I ever forget! Here, have a slice... I mean, splattered chunk of cake! Made with fresh mangoes ripely picked in the Amazon forest, bananas freshly chosen from the Arizona jungles, and kiwi fruits just picked from my backyard garden! Forgive the... mess. I was practising my chainsaw juggling. Oh, yes, that's for my performance too!

Perchance, you would like to hear of my recent exploits? You don't? I don't care! Just the day before, which incidently happened to be Fright's day, I had a bad fright! I found out, a week has passed! And such was the shock, I fainted and only awoke today, and thus, I can only speak of this matter with you on this day. That's why I feel all week... I mean all weak today.

Burn the evil twin! Burn him! Burn... OUCH! *Piang!* Screw you and your dice! Argh!

Get out before I throw my whole set of Ming Dynasty chinaware at you! GO! ... and get $200 for passing GO.

Huh? What the HECK? You're bloody ins...OUCH! OKAY, Okay, I can get the OUCH! The message! ARGH! Enough! It hurts! ARRGGHH, My foot!

Hah, incompetent fool! The likes of you are incapable of defeating me. Reminds me of a proverb, Eat The Cake Before The Cake Eats Your Dice. That's why, my dear visitor, do finish up your chunk of cake quickly. And yes, what were we talking about before? ...Hmm, a sense of deja vu overcomes me...

AH yes! We were talking about my breakfast, dice! The epitome of randomness, the silohuette of chaos, shadow of instability, mimic of probability, the masterpiece of the cube, among many, many others! Muahahahahahaha! None shall ever defeat the dice in terms of its magnificent crunchiness, of its taste, texture, touch... Nothing! AT! ALL!!! ALLlll.... *cough* Argh...

The writer was sent to Woodbridge Hospital soon after. Please read on if you can gather the courage to do so.

Hit The Deck, I am Back!

I am back from my trip to the Arctic, and I nearly caught a cold and fell sick, the trip back wasn't nearly as hectic, and I have a new repertoire of cold jokes to make people panic.

Good day to you my good friend, my absence I have come to amend, regardless of what you shall demand, upon you the arctic storm shall descend.

In your leather boots you shall shiver, in your woolen socks you shall quiver, for your cotton jackets I shall be its weaver, donning your knitted caps I become a diver.

The Atlantic is never too deep, in its recesses monsters creep, from the volcanoes lava seep, in the caverns I shall find sheep.

So I asked the sheep for wool, it cursed me for I am a fool, it ate its breakfast sitting on a stool, and remembering my dice I started to drool.

It scolded me for I wasn't a pretty sight, and on its appetite I was a blight, it went out for a short respite, and came back with a bard for the night.

The greatest singer of all was the bard, we gave him drink and a bowl of custard, he shoved them aside and went for a tankard, strumming his guitar he sang like a bastard.

The sheep slapped him with his hardened hooves, the bard's face twisted and rippled with grooves, he came to and started to dance some moves, it is amazing how much he improves.

Alas I had to leave this cavern, for it is time to return to my tavern, I whistled for my little pet wyvern, and promptly left for my safe haven.

The Evil Twin

I am the evil twin,

A mask I make of his skin,

His flesh I reside within,

His thoughts I cast to the wind.

I am the evil one,

I the Moon while he the Sun,

Many misdeeds I have done,

All in the name of fun.

I am his evil side,

His every action I subtly guide,

Like the Moon controlling the Earth's tide,

While away from the Sun I shall hide.

I am him,

The shadow of a light beam,

The silt at a lake's rim,

The colours of a diamond's gleam.

First Post Of The New Year!

This is the first post of the new year,

There are some things I want to make clear,

No matter what happens to what I hold dear,

None shall ever touch my barrel of beer.

Some people take the time to make resolutions,

Others spend time planning to reach their aspirations,

Regardless of how others spend their celebrations,

I shall be indulging in my alcoholic solutions.

Thatsh' the reashon why I write these poetry,

Shuch that people wouldn't shtep into my property,

And dirty their shhiny shhoesh on my carpentry,

Lesht they shhall fall prey to my inshanity.

And noww mah home shmells like a shkunk,

It ish probablee becaushe I am dead drunk,

And alsho becaushe I am wearing a treee trunk,

I think I shhall be hitting the bed bunk.

Noww my handsh ache from the hitting,

It musht be from doing tooo much beating,

Noww I leave to doo shome boxhing,

Before wiping the floor to do shome shlipping.